i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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