your parents love me but you hate me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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