nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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