There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
