Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
