I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
