the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
