im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
