When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
