One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
