At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
