I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm both gender and math confused
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize