I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
