Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
