Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
