i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize