Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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