He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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