Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
