You made me cry and you don't even care
Sponge bath it is.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
