She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
