Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
