Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
