I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
