I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
