Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
