I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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