there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
