mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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