how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
