He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
