so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize