put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
