haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
