Kiss
Puke
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Of course I have a pirate flag
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
