Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
people are starting to question the shark bite story
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How external is "for external use only"?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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