We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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