I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
