Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
