I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
