pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think my moral compass just broke
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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