Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
