tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
