My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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