you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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