WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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