ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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