I must be too annoying 4 u.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
