how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
