Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
