you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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