When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
