Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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