I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
