she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize