so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
