life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
