roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
