i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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