guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
