Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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