You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
