I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
