I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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