Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
