guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
