Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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