forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
