Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
