I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pants are for mortals
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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