it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
