I will die if light touches me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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