what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
