I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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