Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
