I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
