I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
