my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
