My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
