a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I checked into jail on foursquare
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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