Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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