You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
