I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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